The Facts of Life "Seven Little Indians" Episode #169
(Thundering out side, while Beverly Ann is in a rocking chair sleeping)
Beverly Ann: (Talking in her sleep) (Wakes) Alright, I wanna divorce.
(Beverly Ann looks at her watch, stands up walks around)
Beverly Ann: Girls, are you home yet? (Yells upstairs) Are you sleeping? Blair, Natalie?
(Taps the keys of the telephone, while she calls)
Beverly Ann: Hello George, Beverly Ann. Hi umlisten um the girls arent home yet, they went to a movie, and ah with a storm,
Im worried about them, could you drive to the theater to see I they have left? Yes, all pay for the gas, oh I dont think the
trip will require an oil change, thank you, George.
Beverly Ann: Cocoa, thats what I can use.
(Rod Sterling Personality)
Man: Real, or reality which is which, take one Beverly Ann Stickle freshly awakened from that unconscious reality know
as a dream and ask yourself this question, is she really awake? Then slowly blend in a worried phone call at the lateness
of the hour, and send over a furious thunder storm and what do you get? (Pauses) I dont know. Lets call it a recipe, a recipe
thats missing five essential ingredients. Andy, Jo, Blair, Natalie, and Tootie, Tootie, I like saying Tootie, in a moment
these ingredients will be embroiled in a casserole of the bizarre, bullion blaze of confusing images, and well done meatloaf
of the might, this speech is making me hungry, one more timeTootie.
(Girls walk inside)
Tootie: Im glad were home, that movie petrified me.
Natalie: Can I have my arm back now?
Beverly Ann: Oh, youre back, I was worried sick.
Jo: Oh, yeah, sorry about that. (Hangs up coat)
Blair: The streets were flooded and it took forever for someone to carry me back to the car.
Beverly Ann: Well, youre all safe and sound, thats all that counts. Well, what movie did you see?
Jo: The Halloween Hacker 3 Part 6 A New Beginning Dave returns, again.
Tootie: Dont laugh, its not funny, it was really frightening. I cant get it out of my mind.
(Tootie sits down on the couch)
Andy: People were getting chopped and sliced, and diced and minced all over.
It was great.
Blair: I was so scared, my deodorant failed.
(Natalie backs away from Blair)
(Natalie sits on the edge of the couch joining Beverly Ann and Tootie)
Beverly Ann: Sounds like a real spine-tingler, what was the story about?
Jo: Story? This Dave guy goes out and kills people, thats the story.
Beverly Ann: Movies like that are unhealthy, they can cause nightmares. I bet poor Andy wont sleep a wink tonight.
(Andy is sleeping in the chair)
Jo: Ah, look at those frazzled nerves.
Beverly Ann: Look at those goulashes; theyre making a mess all over my needle point.
Blair: Should we wake him?
Beverly Ann: No, let him sleep, Ill call his parents, oh would you like some cocoa it will help you sleep.
Tootie: Uh ah, this child is sleeping the rest of her natural life.
(Scene switches into the Girls bedroom)
(Tooties eyes are waving back and forth in fear)
Tootie: Whats that?
Blair: Not again
Tootie: I cant help it, I keep hearinglisten.
Jo: Tootie, would you shut-up, if you cant sleep in here.
Tootie: I heard the click of a chain saw being turned on.
Jo: Tootie, youre imagining things, now go to sleep.
(Scream comes from downstairs)
(Natalie walks in)
Natalie: What was that?
Tootie: Nothing, Im imaging things.
Jo: Cmon lets go check it out.
(Jo walks toward the door, everybody is frightened and Tootie is hidden under her blankets)
Jo: Are you guys going to be coming with me, or are you going to stay up here, like a bunch of sniveling wimps?
(The rest of the girls sniff at Jo giving her the signal that they wont go)
(Beverly Ann opens the door frozen in shock)
(Girls give out a scream)
Blair: Beverly Ann, what a dramatic entrance!
Tootie: What happened downstairs?
Natalie: Beverly Ann, what is it?
Beverly Ann: Its Andy hes, hes (stuttering)
Jo: What, Andys what?
Beverly Ann: (stuttering)
Girls: (stuttering in question)
(Scene changes on into the shop)
Jo: Poor Andy.
Natalie: He was so young.
Tootie: He had the sweetest disposition.
Blair: He owed me six dollars.
Natalie: How did it happen?
Blair: Well, he wanted to buy a record album so
Natalie: Not that how did this happen? (Referring to Andy)
Beverly Ann: I dont know, as you can see he must have cane in here to blow the inflatable moose.
Jo: Spilling the horseradish.
Natalie: Causing him to slip on the jelly beans.
Tootie: And when he opened his mouth to say ouch.
Jo: Thats when the rubber cement fell in, and finished him off.
Beverly Ann: Death by Rube Goldberg.
(Man sitting at a table with pretend ketchup bottle spilling on a plate with a pretend hot dog)
Man: Rube Goldberg, a name from the past, you probably dont know who he is, come to think of it you probably dont know
who I am, but so what I know who you are, so were even. (Picks up pretend spilling ketchup bottle) Tootie.
Beverly Ann: What a unique accident.
Natalie: Or Murder.
(Everybody looks at Blair)
Beverly Ann: Murder?
Jo: She said murder, alright!
Natalie: Tootie, her noise is outside, didnt she? Some guy looks in the shop, sees Andy and kills him.
Beverly Ann: Im going to call the police. (Picks up telephone) Funny, theres no dial tone.
Jo: The storm must have brought the line down.
Natalie: Oh maybe, someone cut it.
(Everybody stares at Blair)
Tootie: Cut it?
Natalie: Cut it?
Blair: Cut it?
Natalie: Cut it.
Beverly Ann: Cut it?
Jo: Cut it out!
Natalie: As I see it, there are two (Flips sign, with two closed signs) possibilities either theres a mad man out there
or Beverly Ann murdered Andy.
(Tootie, Blair, and Natalie stand close together, mouth wide open)
Jo: Wait a minute that would mean she would have gone out in the rain and cut the line. Theres no evidence that she did
(Camera zooms in on Beverly Anns boots)
Beverly Ann: This is preposterous, I put them on so I could take Andy home, I am no murderer.
(Girls move in a row closely moving together pushing themselves from her)
Beverly Ann: I wouldnt hurt a flywell, I mean if it was buzzing around.
Tootie: Listen, I hear something.
Natalie: Again? What are you anyway a bat?
Tootie: Somebodys coming.
(Foosteps click on the pavement)
Beverly Ann: See, there is a killer outside.
Tootie: Oh, Beverly Ann, its great to hear to meet your innocent!
Jo: I hate to break up this little love fest here, but the killer is getting closer.
Tootie: Oh, hes coming to get us. (Heads toward the other girls)
Beverly Ann: Hes only a heartbeat away.
Natalie: Those heartbeats are hours.
Tootie: We are in troubllleee!
Jo: Well, I dont know about you guys but Im not going down without a fight. (Picks up lamp)
(George walks in with a yellow raincoat and hat)
George: Hi, boy it sure is hard to shake the mud off your feet on a night like tonight, huh?
(Tootie hugs George in surprise)
Tootie: Uh, George you had us so scared.
George: Im sorry, I couldnt find the girls at the movies, so I thought I see if they got home alright.
Beverly Ann: Thank you George, everybodys fine except, for Andy (sobs)
Tootie: George, Andys passed on.
George: He moved?
Jo: George, Andys
Beverly Ann: (stuttering)
George: (Stuttering in question)
George: Oh no, he owed me twelve bucks.
Beverly Ann: George, the phones not working we need somebody to contact the police.
George: Ill go for you.
Natalie: George, tell them theres a chance Andys death may have been a murder.
George: Well, maybe I better check the place out for you before you go.
Beverly Ann: George, thats very brave of you, here take this just incase. (A pink balloon on a stick)
George: Alright, if this doesnt work, Ill take him to the zoo.
(Scene change on into the room, Beverly Ann walks in)
Beverly Ann: Youll all feel better after some nice hot cocoa.
Tootie: I wont feel better until George gets back here with the police.
(Bowling ball rolls on the floor)
Jo: Alright, whose been messing with my bowling ball, Tootie, Natalie, Blair.
Blair: You caught me; it was league night at Bergdorphs.
Jo: Anybody messing with my stuff again pays the price.
(Jo opens the door with George hanging from the door)
Beverly Ann: I thought George was going for help.
Jo: I guess he decided to hang around.
Natalie: I gotta get out of here. (Grabs coat and umbrella and heads for the door)
Tootie: No, we gotta stay here; there is a crazy killer outside stalking us. He saw George leave, killed him, and then
brought his body back here as a message, listen, whats that?
Beverly Ann: The sound of a steady relent lace ca thump, ca thump, ca thump, for shadowing the approach of some kind of
unspeakable menacing evil.
Tootie: Thats right!
Beverly Ann: No, I dont here it.
(Fabric dice rolls down the stairs)
(Lights go out, while girls scream)
(Lights go back on; girls line up their heads one by one looking for any trace)
Beverly Ann: Are we all here?
Blair: Everybody except Natalie and Tootie.
(Closet door opens with Tootie hiding inside)
Beverly Ann: Tootie.
Blair: You hid in the closet with a dead person?
Tootie: At least I knew he wasnt going to hurt me. (Shuts door)
Beverly Ann: Be careful, you dont want to trip over Natalie. (Pauses) Natalie!
(Natalie is on the floor with fabric dice on her head)
Jo: Oh, no.
Tootie: Poor Natalie.
Jo: Strangled by a pair of fuzzy dice.
Blair: What a whimsical way to die.
Tootie: (Touches her face) Natalie, shes gone, my best friend is gone, her life sniffed out like a candle, we spent so
many moments together, laughed at the same jokes (chuckles), shared almost intimate thoughts, dreams, ambitions, toothpaste,
we met so much to each other, I dont know what to say.
Jo: You could have fooled me.
Beverly Ann: We gotta go for help.
Blair: I know the phone.
Beverly Ann: Its not working.
Blair: No, my cellular phone. Its my hotline to Tiffanys. Theyll call the Peekskill police, after I order something appropriate
to wear to Natalies Funeral. (Runs upstairs)
Tootie: Were gonna die, I know it, were all going to die, hunted and killed by some maniac like Dave. (Cries on Beverly
Beverly Ann: Theres one thing about all this that really bothers me.
Jo: Besides Tooties overacting?
Beverly Ann: Those dice didnt come down all by themselves; someone had to set them in motion, someone who may still be
upstairs. (Points upstairs)
Tootie: Oh no, Blairs upstairs.
(Scene changes into the girls bedroom, girls open the door)
Jo: Yo, Blair.
Tootie: Oh, Blair thank goodness youre all right.
(Blairs hair is sticking up on its ends while she sits frozen and Blair is sitting in a chair with a mirror)
Beverly Ann: We were so worried about you.
(Blair turns around in her chair, Tootie screams)
Beverly Ann: Shes completely stiff!
(Jo reaches for a bottle of mousse)
Jo: Looks, like she was moussed to death.
Tootie: Poor Blair, well at least she died the way she lived, looking at herself.
(Camera zooms into Blairs smile on her face)
(Tootie, Jo and Beverly Ann sit at a table)
Beverly Ann: Good thing I put the cocoa in a thermos, its still hot.
(Man is roasting marsh mellows across the room by the fireplace)
Man: And so they sit hoping to find some small measure of comfort in the topsy-turvy miasma of the nights events with
some cocoa wisely kept in a thermos, and an amazing device the thermos, keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold, the question
is how it know. (Pauses) Tootie.
(Beverly Ann is choking; she walks to the piano to shortly play Beethoven)
Beverly Ann: I see my whole life happening before me, hi grandma! (Falls on top of the couch)
Jo: Sweet little Tootie, a masked murderer, I didnt think you had it in you.
Tootie: Im not the killer, you are and Im going strait to the police even if I have to walk there. (Heads for closet)
Tootie: Excuse me George, (grabs coat and umbrella).
Jo: Good idea (opens the door for Tootie).
Tootie: Oh no, why do you want me to go out this door? You probably got something planned for me; well Im going out through
the store, honey.
(Jo chases Tootie through the store)
(Jo blocks the door with display case)
(Scene changes into the room, Tootie opens the front door, Tootie is holding a garbage pail lid, she tip-toes across the
(Music plays as she puts down each step)
Tootie: Would you pipe down, Im trying to sneak up on somebody here.
(Tootie walk into the store, and turns on the lights, she walks through)
Tootie: Jo? (She hits her lid against the counter) Jo, I dont remember the floor being this lumpy.
(Jo is on the ground with a large inflatable frog over her head)
Tootie: (Screams) Oh no, Jos been croaked, oh no, she was right, sweet little me is the masked murderer, but I dont remember
any of it, multiple personality, thats gotta be it, six faces of me, each face responsible for a different death. Andy, George,
Natalie, Blair, Beverly Ann, Jo.
Blair: And then there was Tootie. (Stands-up from behind the counter)
Tootie: (Screams) Blair! I thought you were
Blair: Deputy Dude, thats what I wanted everybody to think, it made it easier to get rid of the rest of you.
Tootie: You? Youre the murderer, Blair thats so inconsiderate.
Blair: Dont you see, thats part of my plan to illuminate everyone who falls under the 50% tax bracket.
Tootie: But we were your friends. (Holding lid closer up to her face)
(Blair moves closer to every thing she says)
Blair: My friends dont wear polyester, they dont drive motorcycles or ramblers, they dont buy there shoes from the supermarket.
Tootie: I swear, I get mine from Paris, honest.
Blair: Too late Tootie, youre hopelessly middle-class.
(Blair takes umbrella from Tootie and points it at her)
Tootie: Blair, please, oh no, please, Blair, please, please.
(Beverly Ann wakes up from her nightmare)
Beverly Ann: Help it, please, no, dont kill Tootie, dont know, dont drink the cocoa! Natalie, youre alive!
Natalie: Beverly Ann, youre having a nightmare.
Beverly Ann: Yes, yes I was, oh, oh it was terrible, oh we were all being murdered by Blair because we bought our shoes
at the Supermarket.
Blair: Then, you deserve to die.
Beverly Ann: Oh well, Im glad its over, well how was the movie?
Andy: Oh not enough carnage for my taste.
Beverly Ann: Oh, its only George; I called him to check up on you girls.
(Beverly Ann looks at a half-roasted marshmallow curiously)
(Somebody knocks on the door, Tootie answers it)
(A Tall pig with a chainsaw has his chainsaw turned on)
(Tootie screams and wakes up immediately)
Natalie: Tootie, are you alright?
Beverly Ann: What happened? (Flips on light)
Tootie: Oh, I had a horrible nightmare.
Beverly Ann: See, I told you shouldnt go to those kinds of movies. (Sits on bed)
Tootie: Oh it was terrible, I was dreaming that you were dreaming and there was this guy in a suit was in it, and we were
all killed by Blair, and Natalie was choked by fuzzy dice, after George was hanging in the closet and then I opened the front
Man: Submitted for your consideration, a dream within a dream within, what?
(Man holds the front end of the dice) reality (Man holds the other end of the dice) or fantasy, I dont know, but I leave
you with this one thought, Tootie, I just love saying Tootie.
(Tootie hugs Beverly Ann intensely)
(The End the credits roll)