The Facts of Life "Take My Finals, Please" Episode #79
Jo: Blair, how could you lose that book. It was this thick.
Blair: I am sorry.
Jo: Modern History is my first exam tommorrow. And World War II just might be on it.
Blair: You act like you are the only one around here with finals! I got busy and I lost it. Sue me!
Jo: How am I gonna pass that test if I don't know what happened in World War II?
Blair: Germany lost okay??
Natalie: Guys, Guys, its gonna be a very long night and I am very tense.
Blair: Your tense? This is our final, finals.
Tootie: So your going to college, we have to do well too ya know.
Blair: Oh your are just worried about pleasing your parents so they will send you to Drama Camp this summer.
Tootie: That's right.
Jo: Drama camp?? What do you do, hike to Hollywood? Look, if your guys screw up these exams you can bounce back next year.
If we fail, it is straight to the Army.
Natalie: Don't say fail.
Tootie: Natalie, you have got nothing to worry about. You always do well.
Natalie: Well this time I have to do better. You know my Dad hasn't been feeling well. The doctor told him to get some
rest, change his diet, and have his daughter make straight A's!
*Tootie smiles and shakes her head*
Natalie: I am throwing out the first Oreo, who wants it?
Jo and Blair: I do!
*Blair catches it*
Blair: We'll split it.
Jo: I suppose you want the side with the cream!
Blair: *shakes her head yes*
Natalie: You guys relax, I got a whole bag!
*tosses it to Jo* And a little Moo juice to wash it down.
*Mrs Garrett comes in with a big platter of fruits & veggies*
Mrs Garrett: Did somebody order room service??
Girls: Ooo. Thank you!
Mrs Garrett: Okay. As you know the kitchen is officially closed. But this should get you through the evening.
*sees the bag of other stuff* And possibly next easter.
Natalie: How could you close shop on us, Mrs Garrett?
Mrs Garrett: Well I hate to do it. You remember what happened last year around this time. You broke into the kitchen and
ate $80.00 worth of Baker's Chocolate.
Tootie: Well a person gets desperate around 3:00 am.
Mrs Garrett: You know how I feel about these all night study sessions.
Jo: We gotta cram, Mrs G.
Mrs Garrett: Why?? You girls have kept up with your studies. All you need is a good night's sleep and you will see how
easily the answers will come to you.
Tootie: Mrs Garrett, We are not sure what we learned last week, how can we remember stuff from the beginning of the year.
Natalie: Like who discovered nitrogen. For 300 points and the championship, Ramsey, Eastland!
Tootie: Uh, Einstein?
Natalie: *imitates buzzer* Wrong. Polniaczek, The Bronx!
Jo: Madame Curie.
Natalie: *imitates buzzer* Wrong again. Garrett, Wisconsin!
Mrs Garrett: Lets see, Nitrogen, Uh......Well......Uh...
Natalie: *imitates buzzer* Too Much Time, Sorry.
Mrs Garrett: Who discovered Nitrogen then?
Natalie: I don't know. That's why I have to cram.
Mrs Garrett: So I am wasting my time for a case of sleep?
Mrs Garrett: Okay I guess I will turn in then. *leaves*
Natalie: Okay Study Animals. Its 8:15. Now we gotta get serious. I have really good feeling about tonight. We are going
to do good solid work and nothing but work!
*Tootie is flipping through her book*
Tootie: Susan Burkham owned this book before me.
Natalie: Hurray for Susan Burkham.
Tootie: I wonder where she is today. What she is doing. She probably graduated, went on to college, got married, and maybe
she has 3 kids, No...., Yeah 3 kids. And....
Natalie: *kicks the bottom of Tootie's mattress*
Blair: I am never gonna get through all this. Why do I always wait until the last minute?? *turns around towards the girls*
Lets play cards........
Jo: Blair, will you stop wasting time?
Natalie: Thank you.......
Jo: Did you ever notice how Eastland pillows smell??
Tootie: I need a cookie. Jo, will you toss me one up here please.
Jo: *tosses her a cookie*
Tootie: Thanks a lot.
Natalie: Can I study now?
Blair: Who wants Banana Cake?
Natalie: *gets up* Ya got Banana Cake??
*The girls go to the table*
*Jo and Blair are each on their beds, Natalie and Tootie are at the table. Natalie is wearing her lightning bolt hat and
Tootie has her headphones on.*
Tootie: *singing* Celebrate Good Times, Come on.
Tootie: *still singing* Celebrate Good Times, Come on.
Natalie: *breaks Tootie's pencil*
Tootie: Hey Natalie, what's the problem?
Natalie: No problem if my test was on Kool and the Gang.
Tootie: If you are refering to my singing it helps me think.. *starts singing again* Celebrate Good......
Natalie: If you don't put that thing away, I am going to sit on your neck!
Tootie: *stares at her for a bit* I hate that hat.
Natalie: *looks at her* This is my exam hat. I wear it twice a year, every year, you know that!
Tootie: *stares at her a bit more* I still hate it.
Natalie: Do I have to go over this again?? These are my brainwave conductors. *keeps talking*
Blair: Hey you guys! Jo, can I borrow your highlighter?
Jo: I lost it.
Blair: Oh I see, I lost your book. And this is your childish way of getting back at me!
Jo: Till I think of something better, Yeah.
Tootie: What possible importance does a Latin verb have with the Cosmos.
Natalie: Not the cosmos again, Please.
Jo: Tootie, it is not the subjects that matter. An education is supposed to teach you how to think.
Tootie: I don't need to think, I am gonna be an actress!
Jo: *rolls her eyes*
Tootie: An actress needs to feel.
Natalie: Well I am gonna be a journalist. And a journalist needs to study!
Blair: Did you ever think what it would be like if you didn't make it as a journalist?
Natalie: What do you mean, have you heard something?
Blair: No, its just that most people have a backup choice. You know, just in case.
Natalie: Blair, I am a newsperson and thats all I am. I am scoops and headlines and newsprints. Tell em' Tootie.
Tootie: She's scoops and newsprints.
Natalie: There ya go.
Jo: I used to think all I wanted to do was race cars, now I think I wanna teach kids.
Blair: Great, Gang Warfare for toddlers.
Natalie: Oh my Lord, No!
Tootie: What is it?
Natalie: *holds up the empty Oreo bag*
Blair: What about the stuff Mrs Garrett left?
Natalie: Long gone.
Blair: I can't believe you people, its only been a couple of hours.
Tootie: Pizza. We can send out for Pizza.
Blair: At 11:00 on a weeknight.
Jo: I know this all night place. But it is in Middletown, that's 20 miles away.
Natalie: Call em', Deep dish, Everything on it.
*starts to go out when a note is slid under the door*
Tootie: What's that?
Natalie: Unless its a very thin pizza, I am not interested.
Jo: Daniel Rutherford.
Mrs Garrett: *opens the door* He discovered Nitrogen.
*smiles then leaves*
*The girls are in their night clothes*
Natalie: *pacing the floor*
Jo: Natalie, will you sit down. You are making me nervous.
Natalie: Where is that kid with the pizza, its been hours! Maybe he is lost on a deserted road, that's gotta be it. Ya
know, right now some farmer is eating my pizza!
Tootie: Nat, sit!
Natalie: Well I am hungry!
Jo: We are all hungry.
Tootie: *gets up* Here, you can have my chocolate milk, I'll even heat it up for you.
Natalie: Thank you my child.
Tootie: All these plugs, it looks like mission control back here.
Blair: I think I have something to take our mind off food. *reads from a book* He got up quickly and went to her. "I
am very glad you have come", She said. He squeezed her hand. Her face flushed hottly, at that moment, He kissed her.
Blair: Great Blair, you go from food to sex, and I can't have either.
Tootie: *sits by Blair* Her face flushed hottly.
Natalie: Someone wanna hose Tootie down?
*goes and sits on Jo's bed*
Blair: This passage reminds me of Chad.
Jo: That loser?
Blair: He was a great kisser. Its funny, you think kissing would be easy, lips on lips, but there really is an act to
Natalie: You bet, there is. And I've got it.
Tootie: Natalie, 3 months ago, you were practicing on your hand.
Natalie: I'm a perfectionist. *goes and sits by Blair* Blair, have you ever flushed hottly?
Blair: *looks at her*
Natalie: Alright, forget I asked.
Blair: The answer is No Natalie, I have never flushed hottly.
Blair: But I have been warm a couple of times.
Natalie: No kidding! Wow! Jo!
Jo: Don't even ask!
*There's knock on the door*
Tootie: Come in.
Mrs Garrett: *walks in* Hi, I was just on my way to brush my teeth and I saw your light on, and I thought "Oh What
the heck, I will see how the girls are doing"
Natalie: We are doing great.
Tootie: *yawns* I am tired.
Mrs Garrett: You need sleep.
Jo: Mrs G, there's no time!
Tootie: Mrs G, your right, if we could just rest our eyes.
Blair: *shuts her book* I vote yes.
Jo: I vote No. Anyways, I am not tired. *yawns*
Tootie: You yawned.
Jo: That was no yawn. *tries to yawn without them seeing*
Tootie: That's a yawn alright.
Jo: Alright, 10 minutes! *goes to her bed* Blair, set the alarm.
Mrs Garrett: Sweet dreams Girls.
*the camera zooms into the plugs, and the clock is unplugged*
Jo: *wakes up and looks at her watch, gets up* Hey Blair, get up!
Blair: *sleepily* What? Is it ten minutes already?
Jo: It's 2:00 o' clock.
Blair: *sits up* What?
Natalie: *sits up* How is it 2:00 o' clock.
Jo: What happened, I thought the clock was set. *looks down at the plug* Oh No. The plugs out of the socket, I don't believe
it! Who pulled out this plug? Somebody pulled out this plug! *looks at the hot chocolate* Tootie!
Tootie: I was warming up Natalie's hot chocolate.
Natalie: And you didn't plug the clock back in?!?
Blair: Great going Tootie!
Tootie: Its not my fault, you have got 90 million plugs back there.
Jo: How are we gonna make up 2 hours?
Natalie: How could you do something so stupid?
Tootie: I was making the cocoa for you! What was I supposed to do, let you eat through the walls?
Natalie: Replugging a plug is a simple thing!
Tootie: You know I am not mechanical!
Natalie: There are lots of things you're not!
Tootie: What's that supposed to mean??
Natalie: Lets just say I wouldn't want to be stuck with you in a foxhole!
Natalie: Lets just say you're not the foxhole type!
Tootie: What do you mean I am not the foxhole type?!?
Tootie: Now wait a minute, I wanna know why I am not foxhole material!
Natalie: *puts her lightning bolt hat back on* I suppose you don't remember last Tuesday afternoon in French class. When
Mademoiselle Zecker asked me to translate and I couldn't! Who saw me flantering and didn't come to my rescue Huh? Who just
sat there and stared into space.
Natalie: Obviously, I am not getting through!
Tootie: *laughs* Uh...I am sorry. What should I have done?
*laughs some more*
Natalie: You should........What is so funny?!?
Jo: Alright Knock it off. We have already lost 2 hours because of Tootie, and Natalie.... *goes to Natalie and bursts
Natalie: And Natalie what?!?
Blair: Nice hat.
Natalie: My exam hat, what's wrong with it?
Tootie: *points at her hat*
Natalie: *takes it off, sees the loose bolt* Oh Good, Good. I am losing a bolt, I am working at half wattage.
Girls: *still laughing*
Mrs Garrett: *walks in* I would like to know who ordered pizza?
Girls: *grabs it from Mrs Garrett*
Mrs Garrett: Its after 2:00 in the morning. And what happened to all your supplies?
Natalie: We had to eat them, they were perishables.
Jo: Here Mrs Garrett, have a piece. *hands a piece to her*
Mrs Garrett: Oh No, I plan on sleeping tonight.
Jo: Come on, there's everything on it.
Mrs Garrett: I will sleep tommorrow night. *takes the piece, eats a bit* Mmm. So how's it going?
Jo: You know what its like, you have had exams.
Natalie: The young people of our tender age shouldn't be working under so much pressure.
Blair: My shoulder's are killing me.
Mrs Garrett: *massages Blair's shoulders*
Blair: Oh Thanks.
Mrs Garrett: You know what me and my roommates would do? We would have a big pillow fight.
Blair: A pillow fight? You didn't by any chance room with the Brady Bunch?
Mrs Garrett: Never underestimate the power of a good pillow fight.
Mrs Garrett: But of course you girls are too mature to indulge in something silly like a pillow fight. Well, I guess I
will leave you. May your brains and your pencils always be sharp.
Tootie: A pillow fight, I am gonna let off some steam.
Natalie: A pillow fight would make a dent in my tension.
Tootie: *hits Jo with a pillow*
Jo: *drops her pizza* Be smart Tootie!
Tootie: There goes some steam! *hits Blair, who has her head down on the table*
Blair: *jumps up*
Tootie: And a little more steam!
Natalie: Tootie if you hit me with that, I am going to lay you out!
Tootie: *hits her*
Natalie: That's it!
*The girls start hitting each other with pillows*
*Natalie is in Jo's bed asleep and Tootie is in Blair's bed asleep. Jo and Blair are at the desk.
Blair: How's it going?
Jo: Okay. *looks back down to her book*
Blair: Jo? I am gonna make some coffee. You want some coffee?
Jo: No Thanks.
Blair: *sighs* Jo...
Blair: Nothing, forget it!
Jo: Alright, what?
Blair: I'm scared.
Jo: Blair, your gonna do fine.
Blair: Not about the exams, about what happens next.
Jo: If I had to pick one person I knew who is gonna love college, it'd be you.
Blair: You would huh?
Jo: Sure! Your the girl on the front of the brochure, with the knee socks and the books, smiling at the future.
Jo: Its normal to be scared. A lot of people are.
Blair: Are you?
Jo: A little, See when you go to Langley, you are bringing yourself. I am bringing my Mom, my Dad, the whole neighborhood.
Everyone is counting on me. See, where I come from, nobody goes to college. Closest we ever got was Susie Shoefoll, she got
into the Rockettes.
Blair: *laughs* If I had to name one person who was gonna make it in college, it would be you.
Jo: Well I don't know, its a big change.
Blair: And you can get used to anything.
Blair: You got used to me didn't you?
*the alarm clock goes off*
Tootie: *gets up and turns on the light* Natalie, its time to get up, its been 15 minutes.
Natalie: *sits up* Oh Tootie, I was having an awful dream. I was being chased by this mob of elements, all these symbols
with tiny little feet, it was horrible!
Tootie: Get a hold of yourself Nat.
Natalie: *stands up* The suns coming up, maybe that's a good omen. Quiz me Tootie, ask me the symbol for Gold. *hands
her the book*
Tootie: Okay, Gold.
Tootie: Natalie, I am telling you, word association is it. AU for Gold right? Okay, A mugger takes your gold watch, and
as he is running, you say "AU, bring back my watch!".
Natalie: Tootie, it will never work.
Tootie: Trust me.
Natalie: *scratching her shoulder* I think I am getting a rash.
Blair: Wanna go over Truman again?
Natalie: Hey Tootie, will you help me on with this. Hurry, Hurry.
Tootie: Natalie, that's my shoe.
Natalie: Then help me off with it.
Blair: *looking at herself in the mirror* You know what this tension has done to me! I have a zit the size of Monte Carlo!
Tootie: We are gonna meet back here for lunch right?
Jo: You bet.
Tootie: By 9:00, there's English, History at 11:00, I can make it back here by 1:00.
Blair: I'll be here.
Natalie: We'll all meet in the cafeteria, just keep me away from the steak knives.
Tootie: *goes to Natalie*
Natalie: *thinks for a minute* AU! I got it!! *hugs Jo, then Tootie*
Mrs Garrett: *walks in with four glasses* Good Morning A students!
Girls: Thank you!
Mrs Garrett: How you holding up?
Tootie: Natalie's got gold.
Natalie: I am pumped.
Mrs Garrett: Alright. I have a pre-exam breakfast waiting for you downstairs.
Girls in unison: Don't have time Mrs Garrett.
Mrs Garrett: Don't worry I made it to-go.
Jo: Well you ready? Lets hit it!
Mrs Garrett: Good Luck Girls. And hey?
Girls: *turn around*
Mrs Garrett: Lets be careful out there!
Girls: *laugh then leaves*
Mrs Garrett: *picks up Natalie's lightning bolt hat and puts it on, walks out*
Credits Roll as the last scene ends.
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